A Neccessary Divergence

Wedding table arrangement

This past weekend I celebrated my sister’s wedding amidst the most perfect fall weather, lovely company, where, in retrospect, everything went off without a hitch. We’d been planning for months, perfecting all of the minute details, bitching over wedding drama together, and preparing for our family affair.

In the blur that was the wedding, I became slightly introspective. Obviously. My sister and I have always followed similar paths in life. High school, sports, liberal arts colleges, life views, career ambition. But her wedding in many ways marks a divergence. As my date (beard) at the wedding and I discussed, while the wedding was absolutely lovely, and her husband (so weird to write that) is a great match, I do not dream of this reality for myself for a while.

Maybe it’s the gay factor. I do think that we all have an innate drive to find someone to share life with eventually.  Battles across the country rage to attain marriage rights, but am I crazy that that idea of a gay couple getting married at my age (young 20s) sounds completely insane? I am a self-proclaimed frigid ice queen but isn’t one of the pros of being gay that we don’t have to follow the conventional norm to the T? Isn’t it nice that I don’t have the pressure to find Mr. Right at 23 since I DON’T have a biologic clock that’s ticking? Don’t get me wrong I can see the allure of getting married to someone you love and I am so glad that I am starting my life in a state where that is an option, but I’ll devote my 30s to that stress.

But then again maybe it’s something about NYC. This town perpetuates youth. The majority of my best friends are single who live in the city, focused on their career, with frolicking as a state of mind. Commitment seems slightly abstract in place where options abound, where selfish tendencies rule with limitless options for a night out. Although a boyfriend may be a conquest, are any of us really looking for a guy to settle with down with in 5 years? I’m not sure if that’s the norm. For the rest of the country, yes. But NYC marches to the beat of its own frantic drum. Frankly I like dancing to the song it plays.

As for Pam and I, I think that our life divergence will bring us closer in a different way. I feel as though we’ll live vicariously through each other. I can look on to see her centered, fulfilled life with a great guy. Inspiration as I live, learn, and continue to make man faux pas. And my life? I’ll continue to breathe in New York somewhat recklessly, amassing crazy stories with Nance and silly betches. I know I need to pull in the reigns in the near future and decide on a more concrete life path but for now is there anything wrong with fully embracing 20-something young?

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