Unless you’ve been living under a rock, Tinder is all the rage right now. For those of you severely out of the loop, Tinder is a mobile app that uses geo-location, Facebook pictures, interests and shared friends to create a mini profile that other users can like or dislike. If you both like each other Tinder will tell you “It’s a match” and you can text via the app. It’s basically the straight form of Grindr; PG Version.

I’m not sure if the concept really works in the middle of nowhere if there are more trolls per square mile than attractive options, but if you say you’re single and that you haven’t dabbled in Tinder in NYC, you’re lying. As I’ve mentioned previously I kind of hate online dating because of the fickle factor. But for me, Tinder cuts past the bullshit. You think my pictures are attractive, I think your pictures are edgy, let’s talk, go on a date, maybe hook-up. A seemingly perfect app for this hedonistic city.

Here are some Tinder Dos and Don’ts. Enjoy:

DON’Ts – These will get you immediate swipes to the left.

Shirtless Pics – This is not Grindr. I don’t want to sleep with you at first glance (or at least that’s what I tell myself to validate my Tinder surfing)

Pictures where I can’t see your face – Automatic NO. This is a superficial dating app. If I can’t judge you immediately for myself I don’t care to talk to you. Sorry you must be a troll. It’s not alluring.

Mirror/Cellphone pics – Really? You don’t have pictures that aren’t mirror selfies? Is this 2007 and are we on Myspace? X. I’m sorry if you don’t have a plethora of extravagant profile pictures to choose from like myself, but clearly we must be very different people.

Add an Instagram handle –Too much. I’m not going to add you on Instagram to check you out. 5 picture maximum is there for a reason. The pictures you choose to include is a factor on how I judge you in itself.

Trolls – I’m sorry trolls but Tinder is not for you. This is a superficial app based solely on narcissism. Seriously I’m not sure what you’re thinking but there’s no room for ugly pictures. Try OKC. (That’s really betchy… oops)

DO’s – These will illicit OH LA LAs

Let’s see some variety – Show me facets of your fabulous life and I’ll show you facets of mine.  How about some travel, intrigue, fashionable outfits, edgy pics. It’s all about strategically making the most of that Tinder profile. Don’t just show me 3 pictures with random betches. BORING.

Come off as foreign (European/Australian). Believe it or not there are so many hot foreign men on Tinder. Ivanka is courting 2 frenchies. I have had my own string of good luck.  Personally a cultured man gains points in any situation and a potential date is sure to be interesting regardless if we hit it off or not. Look foreign in your pics for an automatic like. Throw in a foreign name or an accent aigu and I’m yours.

Tinder late at night when you’re drunk. Most people, including this betchy cub, when drunk and or lonely are less discriminating upon going through man pics. When you wake up , you have many options to get you through your hangover. Just be careful you’re not too nice to like trolls.

Hold dogs and or babies in Tinder pics. I actually don’t find either especially endearing on their own but there’s something about a cute guy holding a dog or a baby that makes me want him more.  Rawr.

I could go on. And maybe I will in the future but I digress for now. Alas, last Friday when 3 of my best friends were on Tinder dates I thought, is Tinder the current shaping factor for our generation?  It’s good to have options though I don’t place too much stock in it (Nor should you). I actually think that Tinder is more of a game than a dating app.

Read the article below to see how Tinder is trying to expand to become a outlet to make friends with its recent update… I’m dubious Tinder. In any event, my next bright idea? A Tinder for Cougars, of course at Nance’s request.

Tinder expands to “Just Friends”

Tinder Diaries. Part 1: Brave New World

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2 thoughts on “Tinder Diaries. Part 1: Brave New World

  1. The Cougar says:

    Yes, Brian, I’d like a Tinder app for Cougars for XMAS!

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