Be On Message

Do you ever have those moments when the unsettling complications of life just won’t leave you alone? When you feel disturbed and anxious inside and all you want is for that feeling to go away?  I used to hate those moments because I felt all churned up and wanted problems resolved and to be at peace again.  I’ve have learned that it’s wise to acknowledge those moments and to not push the discomfort away so quickly. For some unknown reason I recently had a moment like that and decided to honor it.  Instead of wishing it would pass me by and just leave me alone, I accepted it.  Every time I take the time to work out what’s bothering me, I am rewarded with some new knowledge about myself.

A couple of days later – in the shower – I had my eureka moment.  I had felt “off” because I had been off message. It made me think about what messages I had been giving people and if they accurately reflected my intentions. I thought I had already learned this lesson as a mother.  If you look closely at family dynamics, the mother has a great deal of power; in fact, she has all the power but often doesn’t know it.  She has the ability to set the tone for the family if she takes ownership of it.  As the Mom goes — so goes the family.  To my eternal regret, I learned this painful lesson the hard way through my divorce.  My daughters suffered less from their father’s infidelities and subsequent breakup of the family than they did from my inability to be strong in the face of this adversity.  They were often more angry at me than at him and that confounded and wounded me.  Then I realized that due to our deep complicity, their primal bond was with me and I, as their mother, had let them down by my weakness. Now post-divorce, I live life with swag in order to avoid repeating this mistake. I can only hope that one day they will see that I finally learned how to make the best of an imperfect situation with a smile.

So take a moment to think about the message you are sending.  Brian’s knows that his resting bitch face tells people something about him non-verbally. The girl who sleeps right away with a guy although she wants to be seen as girlfriend material is confused in her message. But the woman who sleeps with a guy because she just wants a lover is not.  Girls – we know that guys don’t like to be confused and will move on to someone simpler.   Try giving a solid signal to a guy because a weak one can be mis-interpreted. If you are consistently on your message, typically the other person will often happily follow your lead.  In fact, I firmly believe that people everywhere are seeking connectedness and are just looking for an opening, a way to get in. I am sure that guy wants to get to you.  Don’t guys say “I’m goin’ in” when they’re ready to approach a woman?  Give them an active message that you are giving them an opening and watch what happens.

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