Troll Season: NYC

Apart from having to deal with gusty winds racing through the skyscraper canyons accentuating the already frigid temperatures, Manhattanites face a slim picking of man options in the winter. Let’s be honest, New York is pretty miserable in the height of winter.  It really is only fun when the Christmas lights are out and the infectious energy of NYE makes everything feel as though it’s in reach.  But let’s be real. After that: it’s cold – it’s dark all the time – it’s just not ideal.

Let’s get to the nitty gritty though. Advent of the cold = Abounding trolls. Now I’m not saying that there still aren’t a few cuties out on the town, but the resounding norm resembles a troll-fest. I guess it makes sense that the beautiful people stay in during the coldest months. Why frolic around in the slush (ruining my fashion boots) in the 15 degree weather when we live here year-round and it’s downright unpleasant outside? Girls still have to dress slutty, and in heels, to get into the top clubs so what’s the point? To meet a subpar option at a bar? You have to worry about coat checks and taking cabs everywhere. Ugh. I personally don’t see too much of a reward. Nance and I have not really been out on the town as of late which clearly adds backing to my argument.

Further validation: I was just at Equinox goggling at hottie upon hottie on a weekend evening, thinking Definitely no trolls here. You see? We’re all going to the gym, NOT scoping out trolls in sub-zero temperatures. Sorry. Real talk.

Sound logic? Mind you Ivanka and I have gone on two remarkably mature dates in the past week with rather illustrious creatures. I’d still say that the argument holds up though because I never said that beautiful people don’t date in the winter, did I?

Don’t fret betches. As Naisha said last year, spring has a way of bringing the hotties out of hiding. The streets begin to bloom with relevant options mirroring the beautiful weather that lasts only a few weeks until swinging to the opposite extreme (Why do we love this city so much again?). Literally one day it all hits you… where were all these beautiful options hiding all winter?

Strategies for Summer/Fall? Find a snuggle buddy AKA Sex friend.  Just keep one in the lineup because otherwise winter can seem especially bleak and wretched.  I tried this tactic this year but unfortunately all relevant options strangely fell away just as the hardest part of winter hit. Dommage. Alas don’t worry about me – I have Nance, Ivanka, and Downton Abbey to keep me occupied.

Anyway that’s my reflection on this especially frigid Friday. Take it for what you will but if you’re out this weekend, happy trolling 🙂

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One thought on “Troll Season: NYC

  1. […] (This will not be a sustainable habit when I get older). I stand by my proclamation that it’s troll season, necessitating me to be somewhat of a recluse, opting for Yoga rather than scoping out […]

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