The True Story of how the Cougar was born

woman-in-her-underwear-straddling-man-and-pulling-at-his-shirt

Dining out with former colleagues last week at a restaurant in LES, The Sons of Essex, was a great way to spend a summer Thursday evening. I didn’t even mind the subway commute on the C train from Tribeca eastward. At first glance, I wasn’t sure I was thrilled at the prospect of another Mac n ’cheese with truffles inspired menu. However, the organizer chose the spot with me specifically in mind for the rap and hip hop music the DJ spins during dinner. Maybe I’d see some Def Jam artists at a neighboring table. What I liked was its reputation for being a reflection of the diverse melting pot of cultures in the LES. Despite some negative Yelp reviews, I was stoked….grub on!

We started with drinks and some shareables as they are called here. Honestly I didn’t want to share the truffle mushroom pizza with a three cheese blend, roasted mushrooms and arugula. Although delicious, I was happy to leave the lobster tacos to the rest of the table. I paid homage to the history of LES by eating a succulent Manischewitz braised short rib nestled on a bed of pureed root vegetables and leeks which did not disappoint. In the end, as the website suggests, I just might plan my next party here.

After some of my favorite Macallan scotch followed by a Hennessey cognac nightcap, I felt like it was ole times with my former work buddies. Since we were listening to my kind of music, I felt compelled to share some of my favorite lyrics such as “my dick work girl; I don’t need no mic check” or “I’ll f*ck you like I’m fresh outta jail” which sounds much better in the context of music. Next I knew we were giving dating advice to JMo who pulled out his…. Tinder app. Although every human being is unique, JMo is a special case. Everyone is convinced that his brilliance stems from his Asperger’s. He’s loaded, got a great pad, lives vicariously through hip hop lyrics and is certainly a 40-year old virgin. He was getting confused between Blondie’s gloom and doom warnings that the dating scene was hell and my advice to make it fun. I’d predict that he’s at dinner with some eager 20-something brunette right now.

Of course I take my own advice. Years before, after the divorce that would never end, I found myself signed up for an online dating site. Although hard to believe in this era obsessed with selfies, I had no suitable photos for my profile. JaJa, still living at home and a talented photographer, snapped a photo of me right after yoga class which seemed like a good idea – until an online guy admired my nipples in the white tee. Despite my pleas, JaJa continued to refuse to take photos of me on my best days. Fed up with her lack of interest in my dating prospects, I turned to Craigslist, where, ever a trusting soul, I had made a small profit selling my used household goods. This time I placed an ad for a creative photographer to make me the classiest and sassiest woman on the internet.

Who knew that boudoir photography was a niche as over the course of a few days, I received several hundred replies from bona fide photographers. I enjoyed reviewing every single portfolio sent to me, settling finally on an unknown female photographer because I saw joy in her photos. I packed up all my favorite clothes in a suitcase and took the train to her studio in CT for my photo shoot. In case you don’t know, it’s not easy to strike a sultry pose naturally. With my contact sheet of photos back at home, JaJa politely asked “Maman, you realize that you are in your underwear?” It appears that my photographer, a lesbian, somehow made me comfortable enough for deshabillage in a thong with a chinchilla boa covering the nips. In that brave moment the cougar was born.

Although many of the photos were unsuitable for sharing in a public forum, the ones I posted made me too successful for my own good. Twice Eastern bloc women stole my profile and were receiving wire transfers of money sent from my admirers. Although I didn’t discover the love of my life from this experience, I didn’t consider it a failure. I learned an important lesson about men that I had failed to learn in all those years of marriage. Just accept that guys see everything through the prism of sex. So the next time a guy doesn’t bother to talk to you or reply to your online profile, it could be because in his mind sex isn’t on the table. Seeing me in a straddle pose unleashed an avalanche of beautiful words from previously shy, uninterested guys who suddenly became super motivated to share these tender messages that still give me a boost. These unknown guys will forever have a place in my heart.

“you are insanely beautiful!”

I am a frist time looker I love what I saw. You are very unforgetable in pics and profile. I am back for more. Terry

You are fantastic Girl….You know how to be a sensual Female! Philip!

What looks and a body girl I commend you yummy yummy ur just great. John

I LIKE TO SPANK THAT FIRM BUTT NICE

sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxyyyyyyyyyy….wow!…….wayne

Nancy, You say oooh..  all i can say is wow.  You look fantastic. Great legs!!  Thanks for writing and letting me know that you exist. Kirk

I know your presence would soothe me like the sighs of an enchanted forest.

If I had you near me I would think only of soft things… JIM

ARE YOU AS HOT AS YOU LOOK?

Honey..  your pictures are really turning me on!  Lets chat!  Dan

You know Nancy….the more I look at your pics …the more I want you. You are one sexy woman !             Bob

come out to phoenix you can call me and i would be proud to have you by my side, thank you for making my day    hug  rose  john   wink

you have a vary sexy body your hot

YES I;’M ANOTHER MAN WHO IS GOING TO TELL HOW AMAZING YOU PHOTOS==SEX,  SENSUAL, CLASSY  AND OMG EXCITING

AND I EVEN READ YOU PROFILE…….. SURE WISH I LIVE IN YOUR TRI STAT AREA.  I CANNOT BELIEVE THE MEN IN YPOUR AREA ARE BLIND TO YOUR INNER AND OUTER BEAUTY–WHY COULDN’Y U BEEN IN OHIO DANM MY LUCK

hi how are you. after seeing  your photo display. my day got a  whole lot better. i swear i smell the sweet nectar of life flowing from your body.  joe

hi .nancy, the photos were great but without you there nothing

43bigbob wrote:Those legs need to be wrapped around someone as he kisses you and makes passionate love to you ! Got a boy friend ? Do you want one ? Someone that could love you and cherish you.. Someone to fill your nights with ecstacy and wanting more………… Interested ? ? ?                                                                                Bob

spaman2200 wrote: You would be GREAT in bed…

Subject: I travel, will buy you plane tickets any day!
Date: 2009-12-27 / 01:20 PM  

You’re reminding me why I am glad to be a man who con enjoy a hot, sensuous, sexy lady for you, I’ll fly you out here, make you my girl, dress you in the bests fashion. I’ll even baet someone up for you if you’ll go to the beach house just once with me, but you can’t blame me if I try to convince you to make me your only lover, truly want to hog you for myself. I am Drake, want to give you a complete body and foot massaje, and then a lot, lot more. Your healthy and dynamic lover who thinks you look so good that you are edible

I would love to worship you sweetie !!

So ladies, why not let a guy worship you on the altar of sex? It could be fun and it’s been said that men usually look for sex but often find love. Us silly women look for love but usually find sex. Although I’m not sure what could top the poetry shared above, I’ve got the idea for an artfully tasteful nude photo shoot with a special lover that might involve strategically placed Hermes scarves and/or animal print.

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