The burden of expectations

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Lately I’ve been bogged down by expectations. I find that those things that I eagerly anticipate, increasingly pale in comparison to what I envision them to be.

Isn’t it funny how often when you crave something so much and have it within grasp, you realize it’s not what you wanted to begin with? How do you ward against the inevitable disappointment and return to reality after a self-prophesied moment of consequence passes you by?

As Nance and I pow-wowed on the couch the other day, we talked about the issue of expectations and reminisced over our own perfect living situation. When I moved in, we knew nothing about the other and had no expectations of what life could be like together. I saw it as a transitory space to live when I first moved to NYC and Nance saw it as a trial run for a tenant in her long-established home. However that is the beauty of our Manhattan story. As facets of our lives became open to each other, over time we developed a beautiful coexistence that neither of us could ever have expected.

So what am I trying to say? Expectations can make you crazy and also disappointed. Try loosening up on those un-comprisable goals and live a little more recklessly. It’s not an idealogy that I’ve ever called my own but there is something to be said of There’s beauty in the uncertainty. Maybe that job is not everything you ever aspired to achieve or maybe the job you thought as temporary fits exactly what you need right now. Maybe the aspirations you set for a man are shattered when you finally get to know your own Adonis and realize he’s nothing like what you built up in your head.

I’ll say as an overachiever I don’t know if I’ll ever shake the mentality of “All I have to do is carryout plan XYZ and I’ll attain whatever (or whomever) I want”. But I’ve learned, sometimes by falling flat on my face, that life is fluid and a plan is only as good as its allotted flexibility.

Expectations are necessary. They provide something to look forward to and something to devote meaningful energy toward. However the point is that while working toward those expectations don’t be alarmed if along the way you discover a realization more impactful than what you originally thought you couldn’t live without.

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