Category Archives: Anecdotes

Cub Lingo

Nance always jokes that I keep her hip and on top of all the newest sayings so I thought I’d share some of my faves. These should not be new to anyone who knows me. They’re staples of my everday lingo.

Emoji talk

It’s no surprise that texting has become a new requirement for human survival. Rightly so, iPhone emojis have engrained themselves into daily life and the way I speak. Actually I would say most things I say can be summarized via emoji. Feel free to call me crazy. I’m also the person who doesn’t believe it’s raining, even if I’m getting wet, because my iPhone told me it was going to be sunny today…

Emoticon peace sign: Easily one of my favorites, this is the epitome of ”I don’t give a F—k so byeeeee”. Yes Sassy peace signyou can verbally use this in a sentence but it’s most effective when just sent as a text message to someone. Just by itself. Nothing else. My sassy friend Ivanka often sends it to people who are just pissing her off. After taking her lead, I can’t seem to stop finding ways to use it.

Hairflip: Such a gem, and an expression that is multifaceted and never-ending in its way of pervading all conversations. Basically anyhairflipone not worth your time is a hairflip. A friend once said I’m going to hurt my neck with all the hairflips I’ve been doing lately. Subscribing to that logic, my neck is perpetually f—cked up then. This sassy emoticon betch is my most used icon on my iphone. Love her.

Used in a sentence: He is a dick and you do not need that in your life. You just need to hairflip and move on.

betchFrolic

Frolic: While this is not technically emoji talk, this word has permeated my lingo frequently as of late. Maybe it’s just a really gay thing to say or maybe I’m just always high on life living in NYC, but I love to frolic. These emoji betches are the epitome of frolicking.

Used in sentence: Let’s just frolic all day together in central park.

trollTroll: Not to be rude but a troll is just an unattractive, usually creepy person who hits on you and you are just like, “um no”. I’m not trying to get with trolls.

Used in a sentence: Ew, I went out Saturday night and only trolls were hitting on me. Ugh I should have just stayed in.

DTF: Probably one my top favorite abbreviations to use via text. This simply means “Down to F—k”. Always useful.

Used in a sentence: Whatever he’s hot, I’m horny…Soooo DTF right now.

Oh la la: My generation can’t claim the credit for this one. In fact I picked this one up in Paris so Nance is surely no stranger to the expression. The French use it all the time, like my French host mother who would often just say “Oh la la la la” when cooking in the kitchen. But if you know me, you know it’s a trademark. I should really record my voice and add it to the post because it has to be said with that perfect hint of exacerbation. It’s fitting for any situation of surprise, overexertion, shock, sadness… really any situation.

Betch: Somehow betch has become the new bitch. I find it really funny because I think that many girls just crave to be called “betch” by a gay guy. Maybe “Sassy gay friend” made every girl want a gay guy to give her “real advice” but irregardless of this, I for one have always used bitch/betch as a term of endearment. “You’re a stupid betch”, said in just the right intonation, never fails to make one of my friends smile.

Maybe these expressions make me sound like a bimbo and highlight the deterioration of our generation’s use of language, changed the by the grinding influence of technology. Who knows. But I can say they never fail to up the sass factor. Enjoy.

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They say dance is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire

Bonfire

With summer quickly progressing into fall, I was reminscing about Brian’s challenge to slut it up this summer.

Kick off was at the Summer Solstice which occurred on June 21st – the longest day of the year when midsummer celebrations with dancing and bonfires are held in Scandinavian cultures. Please tell me that it was a logical extension to make plans to attend a Scandinavian Summer Solstice meet up on 57th Street in Manhattan.

Hopes are always high during the summer that wearing f—k me clothes accompanied by a killer tan will spark true love, summer flings or maybe just perfectly acceptable random flirts. My current read “La Seduction” (by Elaine Sciolino) made me long to find pleasure in everything I did – as the French do – so I invited my French girlfriend to join me.  I will call her Paris. Since I’ve learned to expect the unexpected, was I surprised that the meet up did not meet expectations?  Small wonder that no one was dancing to insipid techno music and where were all the tall blond hotties anyways? Apparently they were at some bonfire in Scandinavia.

Time to find some Latin men.

What’s great about Latin clubs is that the woman doesn’t have to make any effort.  Just stand there smiling with your eyes – preferably wearing sexy clothing – and look eager to dance.  Soon enough a guy will be fulfilling that desire.  Paris has an alternate view considering it a sweaty meat market and decidedly not Gallic.  So much for pleasure… But as they say in French “Vive la difference” and presto – within approximately 5 minutes of arrival a dark handsome stranger leads me willingly to the dance floor.

It’s my lucky night as exotic looking guy with dark curly locks is a great dancer.  As expected, he knows how to take the lead and he takes my body under his control.  I struggle to keep up with his pace – the steps, the dips, the spins – while wearing some ridiculous pair of shoes totally unsuited for dancing. I feel his hands all over my body but can’t seem to muster a protest despite a vague sense that something is amiss. He guides me towards a dark corner where his ultimate intention is fulfilled as we engage in a steamy make out session – my hands greedily in aforementioned curly locks and elsewhere.  I literally don’t give a shit – take me by the tongue and I’ll know you. Kiss me ‘til you’re drunk and I’ll show you– this guy’s got the moves like Jagger – great dancer, great kisser who  – I finally realize – holy shit – undid my bra while on the dancer floor.  Moves better than Jagger!

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